It was August and my husband and I were at a lake cabin in Minnesota. It had been exactly a year since we miscarried our first child who we named Hope, and we were now finally pregnant again. While at the cabin, I sat at the end of the dock one gorgeous morning praying for the baby. I remember telling God that I trusted him to protect this child and to let it be born.
At 10 weeks gestation I went in for my first prenatal appointment, still having every pregnancy symptom in the book. Yet at the appointment, the nurse practitioner couldn’t find the heartbeat and sent me down for an ultrasound. Thirty minutes later, I was laying on the table, looking at the outline of our deceased 2nd child.
I was shocked.
I grieved our first baby’s death hard. But this time was different. Not only was I grieving the loss of my second child and the potential loss of a dream of being a mom, but I was also wrestling with my faith, asking God all the big questions: “Why did you let this happen—again?” “I trusted you this time!!” “How could you betray me like this?” “Who are you?” “How will I ever trust you again?”
GOD IS GOOD + ALL-KNOWING
As time went on God began to teach me that trust is not about trusting him to write my story the way I want it written. Trust is about trusting that he is good, he’ll always only function from his goodness, he knows things I can’t possibly know, and he writes amazing stories for his people.
In the end, I concluded that if I wasn’t meant to have babies, because God’s so good and he knows all things, life would somehow be better without this dream fulfilled than with it. And if having children seemed great, then he must have something amazing planned instead.
I surrendered this dream completely over to him.
I deeply grieved the letting go of it.
But I trusted that he is good and sees things I couldn’t see.
HOW DO WE TRUST?
Life is full of frustration, disappointments, disillusionments, unmet expectations, and tragedy. We cannot avoid these because of the present kingdom of darkness seeking to destroy us.
You and I must learn how to relate to God from truth about who he is. How relationship with God works is not unlike the way Queen Esther related to King Ahasuerus in Esther 8:
…the king extended the gold scepter to Esther and she arose and stood before him. “If it pleases the king,” she said, “and if he regards me with favor and thinks it the right thing to do, and if he is pleased with me, let an order be written… (Esther 8:4-5, NIV)
Our view is limited. Our goodness hinges on whether we’re living from Christ or not in any given moment. But God’s view is unlimited, and his kindness intrinsic to who he is. When we come to God with our wishes and requests, with utter trust in His goodness and knowledge of all things past, present, and future… then we’re able to say to him:
“This is what I desire, but does it make sense with everything you know? Is it right for the amazing story you’re writing? Does it work toward all the good ends you’re planning? This is my request, but let it be accomplished only if it makes sense in the bigger picture, and then let it be accomplished only in the way and form you know is the highest good.”
This is how we trust God: We approach him with unshakable faith in his perfect goodness and his perfect knowledge.
GOD IS LAVISH TOWARD US
Just prior to Esther’s request, in Esther 7 when she first came to the king, he said to her,
“Queen Esther, what is your petition? It will be given you. What is your request? Even up to half the kingdom, it will be granted.” (Esther 7:2)
Esther hadn’t even asked him her petition yet, and he was already promising to grant her every resource to make it happen. He was willing to evenly split everything he owned with her. How very kind was this?!
I believe the king said this to Esther because he knew she trusted him completely. And because of this, he trusted her too.
You know, Jesus related to God this way too.
Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. (Phil 2:5-8)
Jesus trusted God’s goodness completely. He trusted God’s wisdom even more than his own. He knew that to save humanity, God would know the best way to accomplish it. So whatever the plan, he’d participate in it.
Turns out, to save humanity, the enemy called flesh needed to die. So—because he knew God was good and all-wise—he came into flesh, and brought it to death up on a tree.
Rescuing you, and rescuing me.
For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (Phil. 2:9-11)
Friends, God’s story for your life is amazing and good. You can trust him to provide you with his good glory and his all-knowing plan to bring it to fruition.
You can surrender every dream and desire to him.
Even if things don’t make sense right now. Even if it seems they’re not working out. Even if the timing seems way off. Even if you’d never choose this path. Even if his promises seem too impossible. Even if life seems too impossible.
I promise: surrendered to him, It will only end up divinely good.
Because he is good, and he sees things we can’t.
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